The Ego Has Landed

On Sunday September 13, Taylor Swift was receiving her MTV Music Video Award for Best Female Performance when Kanye West appears, takes the microphone and in the middle of her acceptance speech, states how happy he is for her and then out of the other side of his mouth that Beyonce Knowles’ video for “Single Ladies” is one of the greatest videos ever made.

Now let’s start with the obvious.  MTV is still giving out awards for music videos?  Does anybody still make music videos and if they do, where do they air them?  It sure as shit isn’t on MTV.  That precious airtime is being used for 16 And Pregnant and a Shot Of Penicillin With Tila Tequila.  MTV giving out Video Music Awards is like Steve Jobs from iTunes waxing nostalgic about how much he misses compact discs.

Weren’t you the dude that killed that format?

Secondly… “Single Ladies?”  One of the best videos ever?  Really?  I know sixty year old men who’ve seen Beyonce in a DirecTV commercial and had to find out who she is.  She works it like that.  But seriously, it’s a really catchy song.  I walk around the house like a twelve year old singing my own lyrics…

If you like it then you betta put ya thing in it.  Uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh.

…but the video is Beyonce and two other girls in heels and leotards shaking their ass and wagging their fingers.  I am pretty sure we’re not going to see fifteen hundred prisoners mimic the “Single Ladies” video anytime soon.

Back to the issue at hand.  West felt the need to stop an event, take the microphone from a nineteen year old girl on international television accepting her first award on a network that barely acknowledges her genre exists, to tell us that he didn’t think she deserved the award.

Why does Kanye West think we all give a shit about what he thinks?  This is like the person you stand behind at Blockbuster that doesn’t know it isn’t necessary to scream into a cell phone, or worse, doesn’t know how to operate their Nextel so I have to listen to both sides a conversation that doesn’t involve me.

I’m not surprised she did that… you know she’s a straight up bitch.  Beep beep.

As much as I hate Twitter, this is the perfect medium for it.  For people who “follow” him to subscribe to his thoughts and when Taylor Swift got her award, he could have tweeted, “I am happy for Taylor but Beyonce made one of the greatest videos of all time.  I’m just sayin’,” and we wouldn’t be having this conversation.  It wasn’t like someone put a camera in his face during or after the event and asked him his thoughts.  Even then it would have been acceptable.  Someone asked.  Instead, West thought whatever was going through his dumb little Shining-hedge maze head should be heard by everyone… on the planet… regardless of it you wanted to or not.  Regardless of how rude it was.  Like a small child tugging on his parents’ clothing, God forbid he isn’t given attention at all times.

Kanye, be quiet… let the grown-ups talk.

Nothing Kanye West does surprise me.  I saw this coming.  I find people who wear sunglasses indoors are generally assholes trying too hard to be cool.

kanye-westsunglasses_5248

If those douchebag window slat sunglasses made you cool, we’d all be wearing them… but they don’t.  They just make you look like an asshat who stole sunglasses from a gay dude at a Kajagoogoo concert in 1986.  MTV must have violated all city fire codes which clearly state the auditorium has a maximum capacity of two thousand people unless Kanye West attends in which case maximum capacity is fifteen hundred people and his ego.  It’s a little thing called humility and West needs to understand that people hate winners.  Nobody hates the UCF Knights because nobody gives a shit.  They’re too busy hating the Florida Gators.  They’re too busy hating the Yankees and the Lakers.  The lesson to be learned here is you may always have your fanbase but if you don’t shut up about how great you are, you’ll polarize everyone else against you.

America, I’m talking to you, too.

And to an extent, hip-hop fosters this self-congratulatory culture.  Seriously, when ninety percent of the songs are about 1) How awesome you are, 2) Bitches or 3) Shooting people, and the remaining ten percent are about how great you are at shooting bitches, you’re bound to produce a few people who feel they don’t have to subscribe to social norms.

What I would have given to see Eminem rush the stage and punch the shit out of that dude.

It’s not that I care one way or the other about Kanye West.  I just hate assholes in general.  Since I don’t buy his records, I’m not his fanbase and I’m sure he won’t lose any sleep over what I think as he goes home and bangs a supermodel on a giant mattress filled with Benjamins and Chaka Khan samples.

It’s obvious the only opinion Kanye West values is his own.

I will tell you what’s more pathetic that witnessing celebrities behaving badly is the fact that five minutes later when Beyonce won Best Video of the Year, she acknowledged how great it felt when she won her first award and invited Taylor Swift onstage to finish her acceptance speech.

Stay classy, Houston.

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