I’ve been busy. My apologies. Hopefully things will stop spinning out of control soon and I can get back to emptying my head of the random thoughts that make my head their home. Until then, I leave you with my version of the summer television season where I will inundate you with a half-assed post of randomness. What the hell is Domo? I was in Target and they all these displays of Domo who resembles a very angry brownie from Japan.
I looked him (or her) up on Wikipedia and apparently he’s some kind of television mascot in Japan.
My question is why is he always screaming at me? What have I, or we as a people, done to Domo? And why are their television mascots so pissed. It would be like watching the NBC peacock go completely postal on us for not watching Deal Or No Deal.
Oh. And while I am here. How is that show still on? Are we that much a nation or idiots that we’re still watching a show where Stephen Hawking and mentally challenged Lithuanian who doesn’t understand English have the exact same chance of winning? When Natalie and I go to Sam’s Club we never bother to eat before we go. We want to make sure we have room for the multitude of tiny eggrolls and yogurt samples. This is Ellen. Now the funny thing here (and you may not be able to tell) is that she’s wearing a hairnet.
What’s so funny about that, Jim? That hygienic. Sure it is. What’s funny is that isn’t Soylent Blue she’s sampling… that’s chewing gum. They made her wear a hairnet and she did it like a trooper as she plated her gum in the most appetizing fashion she could think of. I commented about it and she laughed saying the woman next to her has to toast and cut up Meatball Hot Pockets for the next six hours. Then she ripped open another box of gum and started arranging it. Natalie has a friend name Lori. For reasons I can’t remember, I had to drive Lori’s car one day. On the dashboard she had this.
For all my friends with religious sensibilities, pardon me. What… the fuck… is that? Apparently it something her grandmother gave her and it disturbed the hell out of me. It’s some kind of devil with no hair or eyebrows so I am assuming it’s male but it has breasts, a dress and serious muffin top and cankles which leads me to believe it’s some kind of cross-dressing demon. I love Sonny’s Barbeque. This was a picture taken from one of their murals.
Where is that dude going with that panda? Mmmm-mmmm… barbequed pulled panda. I love when people are ironic and don’t know it (because if you knew it you’d just be an idiot). You know, the ones who have a Pro-Life and an NRA sticker on the same car. A Save The Planet sticker on a Humvee. Then there is this one.
I’ll explain what we’re looking at. There is a Jesus fish on the center right below the window and a bumper sticker that says, “Magic Happens.” No joke necessary. I love how they make a kid version of everything. So in Target (we like Target a lot) there was this Hulk version of Operation where apparently a tech genius (Tony Stark/Iron Man) and a high school science nerd (Peter Parker/Spiderman) perform surgery on a seven foot gamma radiated monster with anger issues. What made me laugh is what is that green gas coming out from between the Hulk’s legs? I think they are operating on his irritable bowel syndrome.
While I am at Target. I love these.
That’s Lil’ Indiana Jones and what is labeled as “German Mechanic” but if you’d seen the movie you know it should read “Nazi Mechanic.” I picture a bunch of guys in marketing thinking, “We really want to sell these Indiana Jones toys but wish there was a little less Nazis and face-melting in this film.” Of course, if I was a kid I’d be wondering why Indiana Jones wants to fight mechanics at which point my father would tell me, “Because they’re all thieves.” Natalie likes board games. I find most women do. Men like more killing in their games which seldom happens unless your game of Jenga goes horribly wrong. I found this:
This is the second worst show on television (surpassed only by Cheaters). It is a show where you’re strapped to a polygraph and asked a series of questions backstage. They bring you on the set in front of your loved ones and ask you the same questions and for everyone you get right, you get money. Now here is the kick: they know the answers. You know the answers. No problem if they were asking what’s your favorite pie. What they’re asking is do you ever masturbate while thinking of your mother-in-law? They’ve cherry picked the most heinous, nefarious, wicked things you have ever done and asking you to admit them in front of America… for money. If you’ve ever seen the show (and if you haven’t that’s an hour of life you’ve used better than I have) someone inevitably gets hurt because who wants to be told they regret marrying you? So I get that people want to be on TV and will throw a loved one under a bus for money but why in hell would I play this for free in my home? Forget the fame and money… I just want to alienate and disappoint the people around me. Put that Scattergories bullshit away and break out that Moment Of Truth! While I am in retail stores, here is a picture of a shoeless kid playing videogames in my Walmart and a woman with shoes in Big Lots. I am going to assume they have no parents and were raised by wolves or Hobbits.
That’s all for now. See you soon!