Sans Comic Sans

I came back from lunch and found a notice in my email inbox that someone at work had died recently.  Apparently they’d had cancer several times and succumbed to it.  I never met this person or heard of her before now (because there are probably slightly over a thousand people who work here and I maybe know twenty).

The point of this is the email.  Often we get announcements which generally come in the form of a Mircosoft Word attachment with instructions to post it for those without email access.  The message was clear with a nice picture of the woman but it was written in the Comic Sans font.

I hate Comic Sans.

Furthermore, is there any less appropriate font for a funeral notice than the light and airy “aren’t I wacky” Comic Sans?

Women love this font.  I don’t know why.  I used to get emails at the bank from women who would have it as their default font.  There was also inevitably someone who knew how to change the Windows default font resulting in several middle-aged women having all their windows using the Comic Sans font (along with the extra large pink and black theme to adorn the wallpaper of their dogs on Santa’s lap).

Damn you, Bill Gates… sometimes individuality is a bad thing.

You can’t go to MySpace (or as I like to think of it, Satan’s blog), and feel the wrath of a site where they’ve taken the power to create  webpages out of the hands of professionals and nerds and given it to every jerk who somehow thinks their life events warrant international distribution.

And all those fuckers love Comic Sans.

Not that it’s wrong to think you’re opinions deserved to be broadcast… hell, I write jibberish all over this site.  But for the love of Yul Brenner, neatness counts people.

I think people like Comic Sans because it resembles handwriting, albeit, the handwriting of a slightly slow ten year old in rural Louisiana, but handwriting nonetheless.  It’s the same reason women like those horrible calligraphy fonts but at least they look classy.  People use those when they want to make mail-merged invitations look like something you should wear your fancy pants to.

I could honestly get by with maybe ten fonts.  I am a Tahoma fan myself.  Clear, rounded, pleasing to the eye.  I use Courier New because it looks like a typewriter and if it was good enough for Edward R Murrow then it’s probably good enough for me.  I wonder if anyone will ever publish a novel completely in Comic Sans.  Maybe had Guttenberg printed the Bible in Comic Sans there would be a lot less war because nobody would have taken it seriously.  Imagine the Declaration of Independence or the Constitution in Comic Sans.

That looks like it should be followed by Thomas Jefferson’s Five Favorite Bands, a picture of him throwing the two-fingered salute with a stein of ale and which character he’s most like on Gossip Girl.  It’s hard to take seriously one of the most important documents ever written when it looks like it was  transcribed by Charles Schultz.  Had we delivered that to King George III he probably would have hysterically spit tea all over his puffy shirt and two hundred years later we’d be calling French fries chips and eating fried fish wrapped in newspaper like savages being served to us by Mexicans with Cockney accents.


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