Seventeen Things I Learned From IRON MAN

  1. IRON MAN is two hours of gadget porn.
  2. Genius can be cool.  Take that Dean Kamen!
  3. Gwyneth Paltrow looks much much better with strawberry blonde hair.
  4. Jeff Bridges looks much much scarier with no hair.
  5. More planes should have stripper poles.
  6. Billionaires will eat cheeseburgers from a fast food dollar menu.
  7. I need a basement lab (or at least man cave home theatre).
  8. Stark Industries is so good to its employees that after a three month disappearance his Personal Assistant and Bodyguard/Chauffeur would still have jobs when he got back.
  9. Fire Extinguisher robots are cute and funny, STAR WARS robots are not.  Compared to the robot comedy in STAR WARS EPISODES I – III, Tony Stark’s Fire Extinguisher robot is George Carlin.
  10. A Personal Assistant can be used to make up excuses to ditch last night’s one night stand thus preventing me to make up stories about “early meetings,” “my sick dog” and “helping my friend move.”
  11. My friend Jon Plant’s iPhone is much cooler than Tony Stark’s LG phone.  Seriously, you’re a billionaire, Tony.  Did you get that for renewing your account for two years?
  12. Being tossed around in the Iron Man armor would be like being in a car wreck IF YOU WERE WEARING THE CAR.  Let’s see the Geico commercial for that.
  13. I need a Jarvis Home Computer system and yes, eventhough I am an American and it’s a machine, I want it to sound like a highly educated British butler.
  14. Of course Colonel Nick Fury can circumvent billionaire genius/superhero Tony Stark’s security system… he’s Samuel L Jackson… duh.  (You had to stay after the credits for this one).
  15. Iron Man = Red & Gold… damn you, Florida State!
  16. Stan Lee is literally a pimp.
  17. Every girl’s crazy ’bout a sharp dressed man.

2 thoughts on “Seventeen Things I Learned From IRON MAN

  1. One thing I learned from Iron Man: Do not go within a 20ft radius of Tony Stark unless you are prepared to spend the entire night in raucus lovemaking on 5000 threadcount sheets. (this goes for men too, since if it is true that his powers of seduction are so strong, it probably holds for males as well as females.) Also, bring an extra set of clothes in case Pepper doesn’t have time to pick up the dry cleaning in between coloring her hair and putting life-saving medical equipment in display cases meant for baseball cards.

  2. Pingback: Mo’ Iron Man! « Mike Cane 2008

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